Not Potatoes Potatoes
Two amazingly deceptive vegetable dishes that would make you think you're eating potatoes, but you're not.
Years ago, My Number One Fan and I were on very strict low carb Atkins Diets, what would be considered Keto Diets in today's parlance. Consequently, we were always on the lookout for dishes that resembled the dish we most loved but had to swear off: potatoes.
Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes
This one is a reasonably well known dish that actually was on the menu at a couple of national fern bar restaurants in the '90s, like Ruby Tuesdays, called Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes, made from Cauliflower, and they are remarkably similar to the real thing. Although very low carb indeed, they are actually more caloric with lots and lots of butter, cream, cream cheese and Parmesan. But even those with a disdain for cauliflower, like me, will enjoy the lack of any cauliflower flavor, masked by the fat in those calories.
Mock Potatoes Lyonnaise
The second dish is lesser known and the first time I even heard about it, I said to myself, “this will never work.” They are Fried Radishes which I prepared in the Lyonnaise style of sautéing in butter with onion. They take about twice as long as real potatoes to fully cook, but when done properly, you almost cannot tell the difference between real fried potatoes and fried radishes. The sautéing process removes all of the radish’s peppery taste, which are caused by sulfur compounds, similar to horseradish and wasabi. These compounds break down when heated and the natural sugars in the radish become more pronounced as cooking transforms some of the starches. Their texture softens, making them milder and slightly sweeter. Even their appearance is similar to sautéed red potatoes.
I may or may not make these dishes ever again since My Number One Fan and I are eating a more sensible, balanced diet these days while maintaining our weight, and that diet thankfully includes potatoes. I debated about leaving these recipes out of the 2024 migration of Kitchen Tapestry from its old platform to Squarespace. But I couldn't part with them. They're just too good to throw away, and I'd like the option to know where there are in case I need them again.
Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Ingredients
- 1 medium head cauliflower
- 3 heaping tbsp whipped cream cheese (like Philadelphia)
- 1/3 cup grated, canned Parmesan cheese (like, Kraft)
- 1 tsp minced garlic
- 1/8 tsp granulated chicken bullion
- half-stick (4 tbsp) unsalted butter
- 1/8 tsp freshly cracked black pepper
- 1/3 cup tbsp heavy cream
- fresh snipped chives for garnish
- 5 tbsp table salt for boiling water
Instructions
- Cut the cauliflower into it smaller florets with all pieces being roughly the same size so they will cook at the same rate. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil and cook the cauliflower for about 6 minutes until fork tender.
- While the cauliflower is cooking, put all the ingredients except the heavy cream in a food processor.
- Drain the cauliflower well and allow to steam dry for 1-2 minutes. Use paper towels to further remove any moisture. Don't allow the cauliflower to cool too much; just enough to steam off some moisture.
- Put the cauliflower into the food processor and put the lid on. Allow the cauliflower to sit 1-2 minutes and melt the cream cheese and butter a bit.
- Allow the food processor to spin for 1-2 minutes, then lowly pour in the heavy cream until you get your "mashed potatoes" to a smooth, creamy consistency. Don't use too much cream, however, or the mixture will become soupy. If you find you've added too much cream, add more Parmesan and cream cheese.
Mock Potatoes Lyonnaise
Ingredients
- 1 pound radishes, thinly sliced (1/8" thick)
- 1 small onion, diced
- 2 tbsp dried parsley
- 3 tbsp butter
- 3 tbsp olive oil
- 1 tsp Hungarian paprika
- 1/8 tsp fine sea salt
- 7-8 grinds freshly cracked black pepper
Instructions
- Melt the butter in a skillet over medium high heat and add the olive oil. Heat until shimmering.
- Sauté the onion until translucent, about 5 minutes.
- Add the radishes in an even layer in the skillet. Turn the heat to medium.
- Turn the radishes frequently and cook until they take on a golden brown color, about 40-50 minutes minutes..
- Add the dried parsley, paprika, salt and pepper in the last five minutes of cooking.
